If You're Gone
by b-marangoni
Summary: The conversation betweem Josh and Donna about Donna quitting and Josh leaving.
1. Default Chapter

Title: If You're Gone

Author: Beth M.

Rating: PG

Category: Post Ep for Impact Winter

Spoilers: Impact Winter

Disclaimer: Donna, Josh, Leo, Matt Santos...everyone else are not mine.. They belong to TPTB.. If they did belong to me... well I wouldn't be paying any massive school loans... The song If You're Gone belongs to Matchbox Twenty.

Feedback: Please.. This is only like my second fic…

A/N: Also this is unbeta'd...

A man was walking across the parking lot of the airport towards his car. He felt extremely jetlagged from flying to Houston and back in less than 48 hours. He got into his car and just sat there for a few minutes before heading home. All Josh wanted to do was to clear his mind of everything that has gone on in the past few days. He was thinking about this as he started his car and headed home.

There was one thing, rather a person that wouldn't leave his head. She had been occupying his thoughts since the day that she left. "Damn it Donna…" Josh said out loud as he turned on his radio, he thought that maybe some noise would be better that the silence.

"And here 'If You're Gone' By Matchbox Twenty. Yes it is a few years old, but it is a personal favorite, so enjoy." Josh was about to change the station after the DJ was done speaking, but he stopped once the song started.

_I think I've already lost you_

_I think you're already gone_

_I think I'm finally scared now_

_You think I'm weak - but I think you're wrong_

_I think you're already leaving_

_Feels like your hand is on the door_

_I thought this place was an empire_

_But now I'm relaxed - I can't be sure_

Josh was glad that he was at a red light because all of his thoughts and concentration turned to Donna and the last few months since she came back from Gaza. He was drawn out of his thoughts by the car behind him honking his horn to make him aware of the fact that the light turned to green.

Josh shook his head to try to clear his mind. After he did that he went back to listening to the song.

_I think you're so mean - I think we should try_

_I think I could need - this in my life_

_I think I'm just scared - I think too much_

_I know this is wrong it's a problem I'm dealing_

_If you're gone - maybe it's time to go home_

_There's an awful lot of breathing room_

_But I can hardly move_

_If you're gone - baby you need to come home_

_Cuz there's a little bit of something me_

_In everything in you_

_I bet you're hard to get over_

_I bet the room just won't shine_

_I bet my hands I can stay here_

_I bet you need - more than you mind_

_I think you're so mean - I think we should try_

_I think I could need - this in my life_

_I think I'm just scared - that I know too much_

_I can't relate and that's a problem I'm feeling_

_If you're gone - maybe it's time to go home_

_There's an awful lot of breathing room_

_But I can hardly move_

_If you're gone - baby you need to come home_

_Cuz there's a little bit of something me_

_In everything in you_

_I think you're so mean - I think we should try_

_I think I could need - this in my life_

_I think I'm just scared - do I talk too much_

_I know this is wrong it's a problem I'm dealing_

_If you're gone - maybe it's time to go home_

_There's an awful lot of breathing room_

_But I can hardly move_

_If you're gone - baby you need to come home_

_Cuz there's a little bit of something me_

_In everything in you_

By the time the song was done, Josh was pulling on to the street to his apartment. He didn't remember driving there, but he knew that he was pretty much on autopilot. He was so tired that when he walked into his apartment he didn't notice the person that was lying on his couch sleeping.

He walked into his bedroom and after he was done changing out of his suit and into a new pair of boxers and a t-shirt, he pulled down the covers on the bed, got in and fell into a deep sleep.

Meanwhile, in the living room, Donna woke up when she heard the door open and close. She didn't want to scare Josh so she listened to his moments, thinking that he would turn on the light and check his messages. She opened her eyes to watch him and what she saw surprised her.

His shoulders were slumped over, he was limping like he usually did when his back started hurting him, and the look on his face looked so sad and hollow. All she wanted was to go up to him and comfort him, to tell him that everything was going to be ok but she couldn't. She watched him head to his bedroom, then heard him get ready to go to bed.

After about a half an hour, Donna got up off of the couch and went to look in at Josh. She knew that she should wake him and let him know that she was there, but she didn't wanted to. She got up, threw the cover she was using on the couch and headed back to see him.

Josh was lying on his back in what looked like the middle of a nightmare. Donna didn't think twice about the fact that he didn't know what she was there. She crossed the room and sat down on his side of the bed. She ran her hands through his hair as she whispered calming words to him.

He clamed down, but he started talking in him sleep. "No, I'm sorry, Donna. Dad, Joanie, I'm not ready to stay with you yet…"

"Josh it's ok. You are fine, I'm fine. It's ok." At Donna's words she noticed that Josh calmed down and seemed to drift back into a dreamless sleep. After a few minutes, Donna went back into the living room. She knew that she should leave, but she didn't want to do that. So she decided to stay on the couch. She figured that since she wanted to talk to him anyway, it was the best thing to do.

A few hours later Josh woke up when the pain in his back became too much to bear without pain medication. With this being his only thought, he got up and headed to the kitchen to get some and a glass of water. He walked to the kitchen in the dark so he still didn't notice that Donne was sleeping on his couch.

He turned on the light in the kitchen to find the stuff. He figured that while he was doing that he would go through his mail. Josh was standing at the doorway looking through it when he noticed someone on his couch. He knew that he should be worried about who it was, but he knew who it was.

Josh walked over to the couch and sat on the coffee table that was directly in front of it. He smiled and shook his head as he ran his hand through Donna's hair. He somehow knew that she was near. He wasn't really sure how he knew, he just felt her presence. "I'm so sorry that I drove you away Donna. I understand that you had to leave, but it doesn't mean that I have to like it. I knew why you wanted to talk to me, but I wanted to avoid it… That was where I messed up… I'm so sorry. We have to talk in the morning about everything, and we will. Because I want to also talk about our personal relationship, and I hope that the status of it changes soon."

Josh got up and kissed her forehead. He turned the light off in the kitchen and started to head back to the bedroom. But was stopped when Donna called out to him.

"Josh…" Josh smiled at the sound of her voice. She sounded sleepy.

Josh turned around to look at her. "Hey Donna. Why don't you go to sleep, we will talk in the morning, ok."

"Ok. I mean no.. I mean, well." Donna stopped talking as Josh went over and sat down beside her. She took a breath before starting again. " Ok. Yeah, we can talk in the morning. But, ok this is going to sound strange and I'm sorry about that, would is be possible for me to sleep in your bed with you. And before you get any idea, this couch sucks and I don't want to hurt in the morning."

Josh looked at her. He wasn't going to say no. "Yeah, that's fine." He got up, walked in front of her and offered her his hand. She took it and let him lead her to the bedroom. Each one knew what side the other liked, because they did this a lot during Josh's healing process.

Josh stayed on his side of his bed, wanting to give Donna her space. Donna fell asleep almost as soon as her head hit the pillow.


	2. Chapter 2

When Donna woke up in the morning, it took her a few moments to realize where she was. She didn't realize that there was another person in the bed until she went to move. "What the hell?" She looked down and saw that there was an arm around her waist and she noticed that her legs were tangled with someone else's.

She had a moment of panic, but she knew that she wasn't going to be able to get up without waking the other person. While she was figuring out what to do, the familiarity of the room finally soaked through her brain. ' This looks a lot like Josh's room.' She turned to face the person whose arms she was in.

Donna came face to face with a still sleeping Josh. She smiled at the fact that he looked so peaceful and carefree while sleeping. She took her hand and traced the contours of his face. This caused Josh to start stirring, but he didn't wake up fully, at least not right away.

Donna was so lost in her thoughts, that she didn't notice Josh open his eyes. "Hey."

"Oh hm.. Hi. I didn't realize you were awake."

Josh flashed a small smile at her. "It's ok. While don't we get up, get some breakfast and have our talk."

"Ok."

Josh then noticed the position that they ended up in. He gave another smile then untangled himself from her and got up to head to the bathroom. Donna got up and went into the kitchen to find something to eat. She found some frozen waffles and whipped cream in the freezer and fridge, so she got them out and started making the waffles.

A few minutes later, the waffles were almost done, and Josh came in."

"Ok. Um.. the waffles are almost done."

"Ok."

Donna headed to the bathroom. She brushed her teeth, splashed water on her face, and fixed her hair. After this, she looked into the mirror. She knew that she felt better than in the past few days, but she also knew that the conversation that they still needed to have was going to be a very emotional one. Donna took a deep breath and headed back into the kitchen.

She was surprised at what she saw. Josh set the table and put the food out. Each setting had a cup of coffee and orange juice.

Donna came over to sit down. She sat down while josh got her some food. He put some on his plate, and he sat down across from her. The pair ate in silence.

After they were done eating they cleaned up and went into the living room to talk about everything. Josh sat on one end of the couch while Donna sat on the other end.

"Donna, I know you expect me to ask you why you left, but I would be lying if I said I didn't know. I do know. That's why I avoided having that lunch with you. I knew what was coming."

"But why, Josh. Why in the hell did you avoid it if you knew what I wanted to talk to you about."

"Because I was afraid." Josh stood up and started pacing in the space between the coffee table and TV. "I was afraid that if I moved you into anther department with more responsibilities; that I would lose you. I was still afraid to confront my feelings about you.

"After the whole Gaza incident, I acknowledged the fact that I had feelings for you that were more than just friendship, but I just needed to figure out how to deal with them. And I was planning on doing that. But then the peace talks and the whole thing with Leo came up, and the China summit. God this is my fault, I'm so sorry." By the time Josh was done, he was standing near the window, looking out it, with his back to Donna.

Donna wanted to go and comfort him, but she couldn't. "Josh, god I'm in love with you. People started to notice it before I went to Gaza. That is why I needed to talk to you about my job. I knew that if I continued working for you nothing was ever going to happen between us.

"I had to leave. Yeah, I was getting bored at what I was doing and I needed to grow professionally, but I also needed to do it for personal reasons too. I can't hide my feelings anymore. I want to be with you in every way possible." Donna walked over to where Josh was standing, she stopped when she was behind him, and she wrapped her arms around him, laying her head on his back.

Josh covered her hands with his and intertwined their fingers together. "I know that now, I do. I understand that you had to leave the white house, but I guess CJ is going to flip out when she finds out that she wont have a Deputy Chief of Staff, or his assistant."

At this comment Donna let go of him and walked around to face him. "What are you talking about Josh? You still work there."

"For now. I was in Houston. I needed to talk to Congressman Santos."

"Josh… is he going to do it?" Donna asked, a smile on her face.

"I think he is. He is to call me today actually to tell me for sure…." Josh was interrupted by the phone ringing. Josh walked over and picked it up. "Hello?"

"Josh it's Leo. So I'm guessing that you got back from your little trip."

"Yeah I did. And I had a bit of a surprise waiting for me when I got back here."

"Donna?"

"Yeah.. How did you know?"

It was a matter of time before it happened. I'm happy for you."

"Thanks."

"So how did your meeting go?"

"Good. I don't have an answer just yet… Hold on, Leo I have another call, can I get back to you?"

"Yeah. Bye."

"Bye"

Josh switched to the other line.

"Hello?"

"Josh"

"Congressman"

"Josh, please, Matt. Especially if we are going to be spending a lot of time together in the next few months."

"Does this mean what I think you mean, Matt?"

"As a matter of fact, yes it does. And I know that you offered to help me find someone to run the campaign, and to help with it. But I have a question."

"What is it?"

"I don't want you to help find someone to run the campaign. I want YOU to run it."

Josh collapsed on the couch and Donna went over to him to see what happened.

"Josh.. Josh, what is wrong?"

Donna talking to him snapped him out of the momentary shock that went over him.

"Matt, I'll do it."

"That's great Josh. I get back into DC on January 3. So stop in and we will talk about everything."

"Ok. If you don't mind, I'm going to start getting some people together."

"That's find Josh. I've got to go, so have a good holiday season, and I'll talk to you later. Bye."

"Bye."

Josh hung up the phone and put it down on the table. He turned to Donna. "Matt Santos is running for president and he wants me to run his campaign.., and I said yes." Josh had the biggest smile on his face.

"Oh my god Josh, that's great." Donna threw her arms around him.

They sat there like that for a bit. "I'm not going to ask you to come work for him.. yet. I want you to grow and do what you have to do. But when you feel that it is the time to, there will always be a job for you. And it wont be my assistant."

Donna just looked at him with an open mouth. She expected him to argue and fight her to get her to work with him. He really did understand what she needed to do.

Donna whispered, "Thank you, so much. You have no idea how much this means. "

Donna had her head on his shoulder while he his cheek resting against her head. The two of them sat like that for awhile.

"I love you, Donna. So much. I know that I'm going to be busy for the next few months, but I was hoping maybe we could try to make this work."

"Josh, I love you too. We are both going to be busy, but yes, I am willing to try to make a relationship between us work." Donna lifted her head off of his shoulder so she could look at him.

Before Donna could do or say anything else, Josh captured her lips with his. The kiss started out gentle and sweet but slowly turned into one of desire. They broke apart a few minutes later due to the need for air. Josh got up off of the couch and extended his hand to Donna. She took it, let him help her off of the couch and let Josh led her into his bedroom.


End file.
